of Course

havent seen you all day. your golfing. neat happy 6 month babe. talk to ya later ass.

I like to picture Jesus in like a tuxedo t-shirt, cause it says im formal, but im here to party

So i havent gon to class in like forever. I feel bad and I need to go. I am having serious motivation problems. i dont know what my peoblem is.

hahaha I think that Im confused

this is bad....but I kinda like it.
my ear hurts, i couldnt get my cleavage peirced so I got two on my left ear. owwww...

Kill me, Ill feel better, I promise.

"are you happy""Yes... are you?""yeah....""That wasn't convinceing""I don't know, Its becoming that Im not, YOU really Fucked up"

Now I wait. Togerther or Not? my eyes are poofy and im tied and I wanna get totally FUCKED UP tonight and forget about it..............Im gonna be a mess until this is decided, oh yeah I have no control over the decision. lovely.

Pirate in the library ahahaha.

haha there is a man with hair longer than mine and a beard like a pirate and he has an eye patch. lol. that is awesome and you would only see it at Scott Community. lol. I should be in Class right now, but because of last week I had no idea what was going on so i stopped this chic in my class had her catch me up and sent an email to my teacher with this elaberate lie about why I wasnt there. hummm . oh well.

I cant sleep.

i can't sleep. thanks for answering my call. I HATE THIS GAME!

Can I get it right?

I'm so annoyed. I wish I didnt have to deal with the "extra stuff. It ruins everything. He knows it does and he still deals with it. which makes me think he is choosing something over me. Maybe Im being selfish. But I feel like I cause more damage than god sometimes. If only I was one of those good girlfiends and barried things down and forgot about them. Unfortunatly im not, that sucks. I hve to write a paper tonight, wow. I dont want to. good thing im paying my sister to write the other one or I would be screwed. HAHA i found out today that my little sister got caught by my mom smoking weed. lol. she is gonna kill my parents. In High School i just drank a shit ton and she does that and smokes weed. haha. Im so excited I dont work until tuesday. yay. I think that Im gonna go see a movie tonight. What a day.

FUCK YOU!

I am not going to Chicago tomorrow. And Im suposed to be with Steve right now, im not he is ignoring me. The one thing that bothers me. FUCK OFF.

Need More Cow Bell?

I just got home and I am so tired but I cant sleep. Yay. The Cubs game from earlier is on now and it is almost to the exact same spot I turned it off at. Kinda pissed about maybe not going to chicago. He always does something like this where if it doesnt seem perfect, we cant do it. Blah. My chest hurts, Sun = Red Boobs!Night Mwah

Sun

Sun Tan! yay
Im bored!
Im gonna go fall asleep in the sun! yay

Depression.

I think im sad! Steven is being so pestimistic about the chicago cubs game. I really wanna go and just becuase like one thing doesnt work he is like it isnt gonna work. blah blah. i dont know. I really wanna go. but once he gets something in his head. It has to be that way. :(

Break!

It is offical. Break!!!! "a Revaluation period" I guess I can respect that. But i mean im still upset, but....what are ya gonna do? im suposed to call when i figure out if i have to work on sunday. and if i dont we are gonna spend a few hrs. together. I hate life and Friday is gonna be the longest day ever!

Break?

So, he says lets take a break. And then he said well I need to think about, mainly do to my opposition on the matter. So he says he will call and doesn't. I call and get ignored. finally the call back and it is absolutly unemotional, "I thought we were doing the break?" "I thought you were still thinking." "I don't Know?" All summer long he is supposed to be away and now he wants a break. I dont know what is going on any more. I feel like he doesnt want this and when i say this i mean me. Im at work and all I want is to go home now. I was actually having a really good day and he called and basically ruined it. amazing. I hate fighting. i will probably just give in like i always do. just to stop the fight. whatever. i feel like shit now.

my new favorite thing

My New Favorite Thing:)
may i feel said he
(i'll squeal said she
just once said he)
it's fun said she
(may i touch said he
how much said she
a lot said he)
why not said she
(let's go said he
not too far said she
what's to far said he
where you are said she
may i stay said she
(which way said she
like this said he
if you kiss said she
may i move said he
is it love said she)
if you're willing said he
(but you're killing said she
but it's life said he
but your wife said she
now said he)
ow said she
(tiptop said he
don't stop said she
oh no said he)
go slow said she
(cccome? said he
ummm, said she
you're divine! said he
(you are Mine said she)
--E.E. Cummings, 1935

It is 2am

So i just finished that paper I was supposed to be writing yesterday it is really a good paper. Too bad it is late. honestly it is like awesome. Im awesome like that basically like the next famous author lol ha ha i cant spell or do anything with grammer......yes yes (enter two finger slute here) thank you North Scott High School. So i was think about it maybe I dont know what I want to do with the rest of my life. I have had my heart set on Advertising, but steve asked me to throw something witty and funny out on the table as a commercial idea and i relly just couldnt do it. Maybe like I have kinda changed alot since high school and im not like as witty as usual cause all I do is hang out with him and his friends and i dont want to make an ass out of myslef. I dont know. Is it bad that I love my bf more that anything else but I am ABSOLUTLY jelous of some other girl and her bf. idk. maybe. probably. yeah I think it is. its so weird I was up so late last night in DMoinses and im not really tired. I totally should start on my other paper. it is due on frieday. I have to read 3 stories to write it though. AHHHHH. F that in the A im not doing it casue Im am not doing it. done rambling. it kind feels good to do it though maybe ill do it more offten I dont keep my journal very up to date casue im lazy and dont want to write lol.
<3 mwah

Taking Back Sunday.

So, im sitting in the library skipping Comp, because I drove to Des Moines yesterday instead of writing a paper that was due today. OH well it was worth it. I drove by myself because someone, ALLISON, wouldnt call into work and go see The best band ever. lol its okay. I got there at like 3 and kinda got lost right away, but out of nowhere is this maroon tour bus. So i follow it and park near it. deffinatly TBS' s bus. and the first thing I see is my favorite person ever Fred. I was kinda depressed because these really gay kids where standing aroung with me. So when Fred came back out I really didnt get to talk to him as much as I would have like to because some of the attention was diverted to the gay kids I didnt know. The kid was a retard. Adam got off the bus and walked up the stairs he looked at me and goes "who was that?", I told him and he called someone on his phone and says, "Oh my god, I just saw my Musical INSPERATION!" How inspired can you be when you dont even know who they are? lol jack ass. But when I drove up there I didnt have a ticket and Fred was super nice and told me that they just released 200 more tickets. so I went to buy one in the box office. there was this guy in the office talking to some lady about security. I was looking into the door that he came out of and it was all the bands setting up and stuff. So when he walked back through I asked him if I could sit at one of the tables and just chill out. I told him I wouldnt talk, move or touch anything. he said, " sure if you want to" so I went to and this BITCH ass lady shut the door and goes, "you cant go in there, he doesnt make the rules." so any ways. when the doors opened I made my way through the mosh pit and finally made it to the front. It was so crowded my hips where bending in and I though that my rips where going to collapse. I grabbed the gaurd rail and pull myself though pushing people who now hated me out of the way. I wrapped around the bar and didnt let go. it was the best show I have ever seen. TBS played an amazing set. and Im done rambling because I need to write my paper.

Please Dont

I know this is a good opertunity and I know there is money in it. Please dont go. I love you and it will break my heart, even though it is only temporary.

Bad Day...

Jan 1- Jan 11, 07
I feel like this is sliping and im sad. you dont know. when together it is for breif periods of time...im sad. I want to go back I want you to be the same. I hope when you blow me off for them and it, that it is worth it. I love you.

WOW!

wow!
I'm in a wonderful bad mood. awesome. I think it is just kinda hitting me that I have no job. idk. im tired and mitch was not in the best mood tonight either, which was super. TCM the beginning was fuckin dumb, ha ha im to lazy to write it out.

haha I love being unemployed,

HA HA, today Allison and I were fired from The Coffee Hound. I think is is so funny the way every single employee backstabs eachother to get ahead. lol. seriously, if they are not backstabing you they are talking shit about you. for example last friday i went into coffee hound to get something to drink and nick...wait it is very important that you know beth was working, she is the owner. anyways nick asked me why allison wasn't going to be working at bett. anymore. I simply said, I have no idea, I think allison said she might ask courtney (manager) why. And nick said yeah I think it is just this bigh misunderstanding with court and allison. I knew it wasnt appropriate to be talking about it so I just said, i have no idea. SOME HOW ...... it got back to courtney that I was spreading rumors,(cough) BETH! blah blah blah. then istead of doing what she should have done which was come to me and ask me what happend, she called nick and everyone else and asked them. Sounds really FUCKING MATURE right, no sounds like 7th grade. OH and JUST SO IT IS MADE KNOWN, i am not the only one that sat on the counters. Those amazing imported granet counter tops are made a stool to EVERY SINGLE coffee hound employee, besides of course beth greg and courtney. yeah i know blows your mind. I have known since the moment that allison and i got our review that we were going to be fired. if it wasnt one thing it would be another. Im just happy to not work for a company like that, so childish and imature. i love life. i already have my nerw job lined up. i interview tomorrow. It will be great. good day coffee hound.

...?

...?
I don't know what to do! No one said it would be hard like this!

And it Happens Again.....

Don't you love when you find out something you wish wasnt true... I hate Life.

I got Tattoos

I got Tattoos

I'm Sad

.......I dont know..

I'm Dumb

I'm Dumb. Time to deal with the problems instead of ignoring them and allowing them to get worse. I'm normally not like this, I hate it. <3

I'm glad that you can forgive. Im only hoping as time goes, you can forget.

Good is Saturday. Im tired, I had to wake my ass up at 6am, yeah im making the coffee up there in the coffee hound, lol, sorry office space moment. But anyways yeah I had to be at work at 6, to make coffee for rich bitch bettendof people. I have to read a billion pages for all my classes and I have a Science test thingy on two chapters next week, so I have "recomended" review. I dont know why they say "recomended" basically you have to do it since he is collecting it before the test, it is beyond me. I think because it is such a nice day Im gonna go down by the river and lay a blanket down while I do my reading. I wanted to see a movie, but it is too nice to waste the weather. Last night I got a text message from Marcus, and tonight is Filepes B-day and he is having a party...........I'm suposed to go, but......I dont know. I might go for a little while. maybe?

Sweet Life.

I love when Im at work and there is nothing to do. I could be Vacuming but we have accupuncture patients in the rooms and vacuming would ruin the mood and essentually defeat the purpose.so not doing that. Im so addicted to myspace. i need to detox. Shake and Bake!

So there was this boat docked at the end of Walnut Street. & It's True

****maybe the creepiest thing just happened to me. lol. it is at the same time comical. earlier today I saw this barge dock in princeton. I saw some people walk up to the gas station, go fish, when I was pumping gas. well every night I go for a walk on river drive. I walk to the end of the road then I make my way back to bulls community center. there is this bench that is right at the end of walnut st. It is my favorite place in the world. I sit there sometimes until 130 in the morning, so I sit down. I sat there for like 10 mins. then I herd a noise so i turn around and it was this guy making his way back to the boat. He was like "hey, sorry didnt mean to scare ya." "mind if I sit down?", so Im a nice person.i say sure. he is talking to me and telling me how he likes princeton, blah blah blah. I was asking what they were doing...ect. small talk. the guy was a nice guy. He had said about how he was with the other guys from the boat at Kernans having some beers. So hes like what are you doing for the rest of the night? I told him I needed to go home so I could get up for class tomorrow morning. then he is like " do you drink?" lol, I was like sometimes, Not leaglly though. then he asked me how old I was. 18. so hes like wanna have a beer, I was like no I got school tomorrow, so he says are you sure isnt there a convience store like up the street, Ill buy some beer if you wanna come on the boat and hang out. yeah Not so much, weird. he was at least 35. ewwwwwwww. ha, then he says, well we will be back through here same time next month if you change your mind. lol. omg. wow.



****Tuesday, August 29, 2006Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21)You are experiencing the trauma and drama of life now as social interactions bring up your insecurities. You may feel as if you are engaged in a battle that you must win, but the truth is that your fears are making the situation more problematic. Instead of driving the passions higher, seek ways to salve the open wounds and settle down your own emotional rollercoaster.

hummmmmm... Scott

So, Scott Community was High school, with no bell system.. Thats it. oh and your teachers cuss at you. awesome. im excited. I think that I saw Matt enough today to last the rest of my life. oh wait, I get to deal with that everyday for the next 8 weeks im so excited... Not really. I saw him more than I saw anyone else. I think that is some kind of Karma. I dont know though. I'll look that up. My dad is in ICU. we have no idea what is wrong with him. Im worried, but I cant bother myself with something that I have no idea about. At this point it could be anything and if I sit and think about what could be. Ill go crazy. The only reason why i'm probably not crazy already is because i can get a piece of mind every night when im just walking and sitting by the river. It is the best place. quite and beautiful. <3

I hate that.

dont you love it when you write down your work hours wrong, and you think you work when you dont.

I still have my moments

Pretend its not forever
Ill pull myself together
Ill say that ill forget him
Ill breathe.

I dont even know if it is worth it.

well basically college is causing me more stress than it is probably worth. I dont really want to start a semester behind everyone, but i might have to. I really dont want to. I was telling my dad how we have to have it paied for and blah blah blah, and my grandpa freaked out on me and started screaming and cussing at me. about how if it is so important to me than I need to pay for it by myself and he doesnt know why I quit my job at Happy Joes and maybe I shouldnt go to college maybe I should get a real job and see how hard it is to make a buck. Blah. needless to say I walked out of the house walked up and down river drive like 5 times and sat on a bench next to the river until 12:45 becuase I didnt want to deal with him i was gone for like 4 and a half hours.I hate living with my grandparents I cant wait till me and my dad move. I hate life!

damn the morning

ahhh its like 630 and I already dying. I have to be to work by 7, then i work till 2. I dont think that I have been awake to see the sun rise since i went to mexico last march. I hate mornings. lol

Maybe Not....

So, maybe we arent ment to hangout... Scared???? Happy Easter!!!!!!